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How to cope with Sibling Rivalry!

>>  Sunday, November 9, 2008

I always wonder how our parents coped with more than one child! For that matter, the previous generation appeared to have had a cake walk, with many kids at home. Of course, it won't have been so, but that's a feeling I have, that they had an easy way out. Even my amma says we never gave so much trouble as the kids these days do. Like yesterday, my elder twin wanted to play with one ball, same time both my daughter and the younger wanted the same ball. What resulted was, who would win the fight. All of them ended up crying because the other won't give up. Normally when one cries, the other feel bad and come to console and give the plaything. But at times, they simply are adamant and won't share.

What happened to the concept of sharing among the siblings? How is it at your home?

Though we always think we should get the kids share the toys with their siblings, the fight that ensues, when all of them want the same toy, is something you can't really manage. This resulted in us getting one for each of them. Now I know this is not constructive in teaching the kids to learn to share. But most times, I am happy to note, atleast one of the twins, go soft when they see the other one crying. So there is some hope. At times when they are not willing to share, we then have to praise that he is very good boy, only then they mellow down. Only after such cajoling and sweet talking, he is ready to share his toy.

I am happy that we don't find so much of Sibling Rivalry among our kids. Though it does come out at times like this.

Since all of us are busy with our daily work and school, this gets displayed during the hours we spend at home. We try to manage, by spending quality time with each one. With my twins, more than me, they are more eager to spend time with their father. When he gets home, both of them want him to spend time only with individual, so I have to intervene and distract one of them, so that he can spend some time with both separately. Then we try to make them be together. Of course, this takes time.

Do you find this sibling rivalry common among your kids? When there is only one kid, he/she is bound to have Single child behaviors. But I find when there are siblings to company, they are not willing to share. How do we go beyond this? It will be interesting to get your views


4 comments :

Soma November 10, 2008 at 6:36 AM  

We go thru the same thing .. mine are 7 & 3, and at this difference u would think there would be peace.. wrong!! the "mine mine" fights are forever at all ages. there are sweet times, and hurt ones too. sometimes things get totally out of control. but we try to keep a "just" attitude irrespective of the ages.. and reward (not material) the "good" one. otherwise its sweeet time with kids:-D

Alka November 10, 2008 at 8:31 PM  

Well there goes a saying that if you have one kid,u are a parent and if you have two,u are a referee;-)
It just always need Patience to handle such tussles.And i know its easier said than done!
This is a Universal behavior amongst kids,so i guess small issues could be neglected,but then its not always possible to overlook such fights since as a parent we are always afraid that kids will hurt themselves !
The best way i handle this issue(though i have just one kid but he refuses to share his toys with his frnds)is to calmly sit down with my kid and explain him that" i know the particular toy belongs to you and i am very happy that you are taking care of it,I respect your possessiveness but it will be better if you share it with your friend.The choice is yours,and mummy will of course agree to whatever decision you make"
So when after this my child agrees to share,i hug him tightly and express my happiness for his RIGHT DECISION,and if he doesn't(which rarely happens)i make a bit disappointed face(Blackmailing ...i know)and move ahead.Kids are very sensitive,when they see that their parents are disappointed ,they will go to any extent to mend the things.But i always make sure that i don't loathe him or call him names if he don't oblige.If we give them chance to decide,we should accept their decisions...that,according to me ,make kids more confident of taking their own decisions.

Lakshmi November 13, 2008 at 12:29 AM  

Sri, the sibling rivalry is one of the toughest parts of being a parent (the most being potty training...hehe..just kidding). My kids are 4 and 1 1/2. You would think atleast the lil one will forget and play by himself. Nope! He just wants everything his sister has or does...the lil demon. and followed by the hitting and snatching. I scold him..he doesnt understand. and I dont feel like yelling at my sweet soft daughter...to start with its not her fault. at first she would understand when I say "honey, youre a big sister. you need to share. Adi's a baby. he doesnt know". Now she says "let Adi be a big brother and I am the baby". I think "What???" so to distract her/ him, I just take the other one away, and then they come back together missing each other. sometimes my lil girl helps me in the kitchen and I tell her how lucky she is she can do all the helping and playing and bicycling and swimming, but Adi can't do bcoz hes a baby. she gets very happy!

Srivalli November 13, 2008 at 10:25 PM  

Soma, Alka, Lakshmi, its so nice to know that its almost the same in your home. That gives me so much comfort!

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